Maybe I'll join the National Guard.

There is a huge billboard by my apartment for the National Guard. Every time I sit at the light at Canoga and Ventura, I am forced to consider the giant slogan that reads,

"ANSWER THE CALL."


They just put the billboard up about two weeks ago, and I have to admit that the timing is rather suspect. I love when God talks to me through billboards. I am a simple girl, and I need giant billboards to point me in the right direction sometimes.

This week, as I am taking steps toward "answering the call," I am feeling burdened by the things I might be leaving behind. It seems that God has been calling me to something specific, but I hate the feeling of walking out on things. I think that often there is so much value in being deeply rooted somewhere, in being established and channeling peace and joy into that place. There is value in being faithful to one place and in pouring yourself out there. I also think that there is value in leaving your comfort zone and saying yes to the grand adventure of life. Sometimes you are called to stay and sometimes you are called to leave. Though leaving isn't easy, to those who choose to stay, it can appear to be "taking the easy way out."

I spoke to my boss on the phone today and she was crying. She is having a really rough time in life, and all of her employees are on the verge of quitting. People are constanty calling in sick or going to rehab or needing to go on maternity leave to give birth to their children. As I find myself on the brink of leaving this job myself, I can't help but feel like I am abandoning my boss in her hour of need, and that she needs me to stay and help her.

When you are a person of conscience, I think that there will always be people to whom you feel loyal. There will always be a reason to not get on that plane or dive in to that cause. There will always be a reason why you shouldn't do something, and there will always be someone wherever you are who needs your help. The hard part is discerning when is the right time to care for these obligations, and when is the time to decide that they aren't really the obligations for which you have been placed on this earth.

Sometimes it seems selfish when you tell people that you have to follow what God is calling you to do and to leave them behind. It sounds like you are skipping out on your responsibilities or abandoning the people who need you. The thing is, those people don't really need you, they need God. Too often we depend on each other for things that only God can provide. So instead of thinking that I am the answer to someone's problems, I need to learn that God is the answer, and His power can be present, whether I am or not. This requires a great deal of trust because you have to trust that God is in charge, that there is power in prayer, and that He is the one who is going to take care of the people you love.

I guess the bottom line of what I am learning through this is that it is so important in life to answer the call, and not to be bogged down by the overwhelming needs of the people around you. We need to be CALL driven, not NEED driven. There are needs everywhere, but where is God CALLING you? What makes your heart beat faster and your soul smile? You are not the answer to anyone's problems, but when you align yourself with the power of God, he can use you to do something awesome in your little corner of the world.

Hiding your heart in the One who made you will allow you to live a purposeful, focused life because God will show you what it is that you were CREATED to do!

Why are these things so much easier to BLOG about than to actually live?! :)

Who has the final say?

I am gradually learning that no matter what your decision making process is, the bottom line of so many decisions in our lives is priorities. You have to decide what your first priorities are in order to make decisions that will take you where you want to go, because otherwise you will never get anywhere. If you decide that your first priority is your career, then you need to make consisent decisions that put your career first. If you decide your first priority is your family, then you need to be sure to ignore anything that would interfere with letting your family come first.

Once you have established your priorities, and you make a few decisions holding true to them, your grown up life takes on a pattern. It seems to me that pattern can be wonderfully rewarding or sadly empty. Because patterns add consistency and stability to our lives, we need them. We need some sort of structure or frame through which to make decisions and process the world around us. However, when we are forming these patterns I think we need to be wildly true to ourselves. So true to ourselves that everyone says we are crazy because we continue to think of life as an unbelieveable, wondrous adventure and nothing less...we need to do things like move to Minnesota and get married (:)or move to the Middle East to live alongside Muslim women (my friend Jesse is doing this. she can't even disclose her location for safety reasons)...

This all much easier in theory because there are so many other voices that want to dictate my future. There are so many different people who wave their arms in warning to me about the decisions I think I need to make. All the while, I hear Jesus whisper to me..."Who is your loyalty to? Who has the final say in your decisions? Is it me?"

"'First things first. Your business is LIFE, not death. And LIFE is urgent; announce God's kingdom!' Then another said, 'I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home.' Jesus said, 'No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day.'"Luke9:60-62 (the message)

good is the enemy of best

Yesterday, I returned home from Rubies and Pearls. It was the most fantastic weekend. What a growing experience... I gave a message on Friday night about living in Freedom...and saying YES to freedom and no to everything else. I had such an incredible time preparing for my message, and then giving it. I loved being up in the mountains with such lovely women, and I loved being with the bad girls in the grown up cabin. There were so many layers to the weekend, layers of emotion and fun and wonder. I cannot believe it's over.

As a result, I think I am suffering from post Rubies and Pearls blues. It has been hanging over my head for the past few months, and now I find myself feeling a bit aimless. Today at work I just sat there and wondered what I am supposed to do now. I think I know what I am supposed to do, but it scares me. I have been thinking and talking for a while now about not being a slave to fear, and about jumping off the cliffs of adventure... but I think I find it much simpler to jump when I know that if I fail it will only be in my career...

The wise John Sutton would always say that good is the enemy of best; when you have it good, you allow that to be enough. I don't want to settle for good, I want the best. I didn't realize how difficult it can be to reach for the best when the good is looking pretty comfortable. As I think about that saying, I think that a good life can be kind of monotonous. Good can be a rut, but if you are always pursuing your BEST life, then you know that you are headed somewhere, and suddenly things get a little more exciting.

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
James 4:13-17

los momentos preciosos

Perhaps my life is just too exciting these days to keep my blog up to date. Haha... Oh, if only that were true. Life has been a wild journey of emotion lately, but as far as being a wild journey of adventure... Not so much.

Easter was a great holiday. I am learning so much about life and how to love the people around me. I would say that Easter was a great day for me to embrace my family and to just love them for exactly who they are. I spent the morning at Lifehouse Church, complete with a classic skit (a la Barbara Cirks and Helen Lee. There were Easter hats involved.)and Easter breakfast. Then I drove down to Newport with the parentals. I kept mostly quiet the whole day, just trying to be present and appreciate the moments... And I did appreciate them! It was a beauiful day--no tears and no quarreling. Hallelujah.

Now that Easter is over, 100% of my attention is devoted to our women's retreat (Rubies and Pearls!! ... Or R&P as we like to call it). It has been a least 6 months in the making, and I cannot believe it's coming up this weekend. Last night I was at the church office with Sarah, Alyse, and Kirsten getting things ready. These are precious moments. I sense the winds of change blowing as we wrap up this season of Impact and Fly. I hope and pray these winds will blow us all into new challenges and adventures! Tonight we will be there again... I get to practice a skit I am doing with Kathy Collins for Saturday morning at R&P. If you had ever met Kathy Collins, or seen her in a skit, you would have a huge smile on your face right now... And tonight I will relish in the moments of spending time with my beloved sisters, as I we all prepare to take steps toward the next great thig God has in store.

Precious moments.

Almost Easter...

Tonight I reflect upon the sacrifice that was made for me. I am overwhelmed by the burden of my separation from my Creator, and I am thankful that I am set free because God passionately pursues me with His great love and mercy.

Sunday commemorates the best day in history. The day when Jesus conquered death. I can't think of a better thing to celebrate.


Like a little plastic Easter egg, I wait for Jesus to open me up and spread peanut m&ms all over the world!

Thank you, Jesus.