Tangled Brain Spaghetti

Last night, Missy and I got into an argument of sorts. I was being bratty about the people at Sherwood, and about my job and my life, and she told my I was being unfairly judgmental. How annoying. I told her I was allowed to have feelings, and that SHE needed to stop judging ME.

As I drove home and frustration overwhelmed me, I threw myself a pity party--I blew up neon balloons of bitterness and drank "poor me" punch. I am really good at pity parties. Just before I drifted off to sleep last night, I had a feeling that I would wake up and realize that the reason I was so frustrated by this altercation was because I knew I was wrong. I hate being wrong.

Sure enough, I woke up this morning feeling sad that I had reacted that way. I knew that she was right to tell me to stop being so judgmental, but sometimes it just feels good to make yourself the center of the universe.

All that to say, when I saw her this morning I apologized and felt the tears behind my eyes. She apologized too. We have been talking a lot lately about the differences between men and women, and she told me that men's brains are like waffles--they are able to compartmentalize things--but women's brains are like spaghetti--everything is all intertwined and confusing. We both said we wished we could have waffle brains because it was clear that our argument arose out of tangled brain spaghetti.

She looked me in the eye and told me that she knows who I am. She told me that everything is in transition right now, and that means that I need to cling to my joy more than ever. She told me that I cannot be tossed to and fro by my circumstances, and that I need to stay positive, because the attitude I project will drastically influence my surroundings.

She is right. I popped the balloons and threw out the punch.

my heart shaped photo album

I love how pictures have the power to transport you right back to the very moment in which they were taken. Isn't it amazing when you look at pictures of your life and you can almost smell the air? Or you can remember exactly how you were feeling right then, even if nobody else knows. I think that is why I love candid pictures so much (and silly pictures!). Taking pictures is like freezing moments in time so you can preserve them in your heart shaped photo album.

Today I looked at a bunch of pictures from the weekend that just passed. The weekend was spent adventuring around Griffith Park and Oxnard and Avalon at Warner Center. There are lots of pictures that make me feel all kinds of joy when looking at them as I remember how hard I laughed. I learned so many things this weekend (the most shocking of which probably being the fact that McDonalds owns Chipotle) and was completely inspired to change the world (starting by teaching chickens how to read so they can escape their fate as burrito bowls and McChicken sandwiches).

Though it is shameful to admit, one of my favorite pictures from the weekend is this picture of just myself. This picture was taken in the midst of a rock gathering expedition in which I was searching for one rock to bring home and one to throw in the ocean. The clothes I am wearing, the bareness of my feet, and the smile on my face are held so perfectly within the pixels of this photograph--pixels that take me back to this moment... A moment where I am cherished, listened to, delighted in, and encouraged to dream... A moment in which a partnership has begun that is unlike any I have ever experienced.
I am so thankful for this picture and even more thankful for the person who took it!



"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"

the goal of life is not to just arrive at death safely.

I went cliff jumping a few years ago for my birthday. It was the first time I had ever attempted it, and my friend convinced me that I would love it. So we went. We hiked a while before we reached the place where we could enjoy this great Azusa summer past time. When we arrived, I decided to eat lunch first. I was starving from the hike, and the thought of the long way between the top of the boulder and the surface of the water was a little bit overwhelming. I sat and ate, and basked in the warm sun. When my basking turned in to baking, I decided it was time to try this cliff jumping business. I took off my tank top and shorts and walked to the edge of the rock. People who had already been jumping were below, cheering me on. There was excitement in the air as I prepared to embark on my first free fall from 40 feet above this little mountain pool.
They cheered me on and counted to 3 about 10 times before I finally gave up. I couldn't do it. I was too afraid. I was afraid that I would hit the water and my brain would explode, or that alligators would eat me, or that I would never be able to climb back out of the water because surely all my limbs would be broken. It seemed that I had so many reasons to be afraid. Looking back, I think that day would have been so much better if I had just jumped. I would have had a better story, and I would have a conquered fear under my belt. Fear is paralyzing.
As I stand on the edge of the cliff of my life, I think I am similarly paralyzed. Over-thinking all the things that could go wrong, analyzing all the reasons people will be displeased with different choices I will make, I am deeply aware of myself and my decisions. I want to remember this time in my life as a time when I jumped. I want to throw my fears into the wind and embrace the pool of freezing water. Even if all my limbs break or my brain explodes, at least my story tells of excitement, and passion, and adventure.

The goal of life is not to just arrive at death safely.

$5 Really Cute Outfit -(Woodland Hills)

For only $5, you can add this adorable little ensemble to your wardrobe. I'm including a pair of Payless Non-Slip Shoes (Black), American Eagle size 2 SHORT boyfriend style jeans, and an XS black polo from Target. Because I am feeling extra generous today, I am throwing in some Bath & Body Works Mint Lip Gloss (half used), A tube of Carmex (kind of old, has begun to have that old carmex scent and texture), some spare change, some pens, an apron and a really cute CHILIS logo check presenter (complete with CHILIS logo paper inside and a "sizzle service" card--a hot commodity with the kids these days).

This outfit and extra goodies are perfect for a night on the town or a job a your local CHILIS grill & bar. Wherever you choose to wear it, you will be riding in style. The check presenter is great to hold all the numbers you will get while wearing this outfit, and the apron is great for holding all the dollar dollar bills people will throw your way for looking so good.

Though I am sad to part with this great outfit, times are tough, and I could really use the $5.

Hurry, it will go fast!

* Location: Woodland Hills
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

"It's a great day at Sherwood Spa, this is Jen!"

Mmm mmm another day at Sherwood. Aside from the usual morning crowd, who sit and leisurely sip coffee and discuss their private jets (I'm serious), this day has been quieter than most. The phone hasn't rang, and the only maintenance issue I was faced with was talking to the exterminator who came because apparently there is a rodent living inside one of our gym machines. He said this isn't true because there is no evidence of such a thing. I secretly wish there was a rat living in the machine, in fact, why stop at one? I can just imagine the thrill of ten little baby rats spilling out of the treadmill when a member tries to increase the incline. Hahaha, just the thought puts a smile on my face.

It's not that I wish harm upon these people, I am simply a product of extreme, debilitating boredom. Like, I didn't know it was possible to be this bored. I think a few of my brain cells die every day, and the cellulite on my upper thighs is slowly creeping down to my knees from the lack of movement and the extra bagels and candies I consume as a result of my boredom.

I'm choosing to stay positive today. I know I'm learning something from this. I also know that one day I will look fondly on this time and wish for a moment of boredom... but let me just say to my non-bored self somewhere down the road, and to you who might think being bored is cool... It's not. While I am thankful for the blessing and freedom of this time, I am excited to use my brain again!

Here's to blogging...!

I want to be like my sister!

I want to be like Justine and have a blog. I really have no idea what to say on it, but I want to feel connected in the cyber-land world. I want to become a blogger. Hmm... Maybe just so I can look back at it in 5 years and remember how exciting and adventurous my life is. haha... or just to conform to the masses, everyone's doing it.

here's to blogging. yipeeee!